THEY FINISHED 9TH: COLOMBIA

Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Colombia are as close to the bad boys of the tournament as you’re likely to get. A disgrace against England and few will miss them. They certainly missed Rodriquez in the last game, his presence could have tipped the scales in their favour. But the scales of justice were lenient. They deserved red cards for their appalling behaviour v England, But what goes around is circular, like a football, the one Dier slotted past their despairing keeper. Bye bye. And learn how to behave next time. 

ROUND OF 16: Colombia 1-1 England (England win on pens)

England put The Armchair through the mill. Made him hide behind his cushions. Made his wheels squeak in pure fright. Penalties! Followed a late, late equaliser for Colombia. Aaaarrrgh!

And Colombia were pretty disgraceful throughout, knowing they were inferior without James Rodriguez, with whom this would have been so different. Kane scored a pen, Colombia writhed and pulled and faked and protested. How someone in yellow didn’t see red is a mystery. But in the end, England’s penalties were strong, even Henderson’s whose was saved, and Pickford’s outstretched arm was strong. Respect to Dier who ended years of World Cup Shoot Out heartache.